I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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