We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
