Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
