maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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