can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
