It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
