i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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