My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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