I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
