Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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