also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
