this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
