you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
