One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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