We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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