now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize