U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
