The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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