I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
