the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
