I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
