My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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