Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
