im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
