How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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