That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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