I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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