he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
time to smoke my breakfast
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
