I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
