eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
