you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
