apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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