Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I believe in your delicious
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