a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
