In America we eat man semen.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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