Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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