The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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