the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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