The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm too high and old for this...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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