Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
