If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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