Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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