: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
