Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
