you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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