i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
