There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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