it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
