i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
