you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
