god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize