There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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