We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
