last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
