Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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