Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
