I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we're making bets on your personal life
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
