Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
