1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
