The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got inside last night via doggy door
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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