You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
