Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
