I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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