Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
