I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
