Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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