i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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