The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
