Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
