Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize