the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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