If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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