whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
