what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
