Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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